On Friday night, Dec. 26th, I was at a house exorcism. As I walked around, trying to sense spirits or demons, I was blessing and reclaiming each room for Jesus. As I did this, God spoke to me.
"You MUST forgive," He said.
I replied, "I am not ready to forgive. I am close, but I want to mean it when I forgive and pray for them."
Then I heard this from my Father: "You are useless to me unless you forgive."
I was stricken with remorse, embarrassment and anger all at the same time. Still I refused to forgive on the basis that it would be superficial, at best, if I forgave without being ready to do so. But it hit me: here I was trying to help others rid their home of the demonic, when I could not rid myself of it. I was trying to expel demons while having demonic thoughts... or rather, expelling demons with demons. Whom, then, was I serving?
So there I stood, unable to bring myself to forgive and useless because of it. Later at home, I again felt the urgency from God to forgive. I realized (or moreover, God told me) that when I do not forgive, it places a wedge between me and God... as well as me and my daughter.
I forgave the men who committed this crime on Friday night. I prayed that they might find Jesus. Since I forgave them, my emotional being has stabilized.
I no longer think of killing them, for the mercy of God has spared my mind and soul. I am no longer tortured by the visions of what these men did to my daughter. Only through the grace of God am I healed in my heart, mind and soul. I still want justice for my daughter and I truly believe my forgiving these men has enabled God's hand to move more freely to that end.