On Friday night, Dec. 26th, I was at a house exorcism. As I walked around, trying to sense spirits or demons, I was blessing and reclaiming each room for Jesus. As I did this, God spoke to me.
"You MUST forgive," He said.
I replied, "I am not ready to forgive. I am close, but I want to mean it when I forgive and pray for them."
Then I heard this from my Father: "You are useless to me unless you forgive."
I was stricken with remorse, embarrassment and anger all at the same time. Still I refused to forgive on the basis that it would be superficial, at best, if I forgave without being ready to do so. But it hit me: here I was trying to help others rid their home of the demonic, when I could not rid myself of it. I was trying to expel demons while having demonic thoughts... or rather, expelling demons with demons. Whom, then, was I serving?
So there I stood, unable to bring myself to forgive and useless because of it. Later at home, I again felt the urgency from God to forgive. I realized (or moreover, God told me) that when I do not forgive, it places a wedge between me and God... as well as me and my daughter.
I forgave the men who committed this crime on Friday night. I prayed that they might find Jesus. Since I forgave them, my emotional being has stabilized.
I no longer think of killing them, for the mercy of God has spared my mind and soul. I am no longer tortured by the visions of what these men did to my daughter. Only through the grace of God am I healed in my heart, mind and soul. I still want justice for my daughter and I truly believe my forgiving these men has enabled God's hand to move more freely to that end.
God Bless,
Saul
2 comments:
I just stumbled upon your site and have been skimming through it.
It's interesting, and completely foreign to me. I'll be reading more of it.
Just wanted to let you know that I've popped by.
God is SO good! I'm so glad that you've found forgiveness through our Father, Saul!
Keep in the light, honey.
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